I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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