I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
