So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
