he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize