When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
