My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
