I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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