If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
