actually, I'm a sock model
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
