So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You pole danced in your parka.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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