foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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