remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
