that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
