This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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