There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
