I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
