So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
