why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
