I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
