Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
