My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
