Everything about him screamed your future.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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