You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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