You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
