also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
