apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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