Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
