just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
