I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
