He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize