I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
