We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
