I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
