I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
