I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
