I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
