Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my phone needs a breathalizer
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
