Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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