Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize