He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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