Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
