I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
