Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
