remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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