is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
