i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
