I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
