she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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