i need an iv and a liver transplant
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
