An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
