Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
