He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize