Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
