He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
