there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
