moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize