dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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