Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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