he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
