She's JV to your varsity
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
