Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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