whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
