dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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