Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
