i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
