he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
