Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
