sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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