Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
