I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
