I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
