Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
